- Lindsay Irvine, Support Worker
A Space for Healing
Surviving childhood sexual abuse and coping with the traumatic aftermath can be the hardest thing a person can ever have to cope with. Each survivor’s healing process is unique; however in this blog we will explore some of the aspects most common to surviving abuse.
At Edinburgh Rape Crisis, we believe that all survivors need to hear the following message; it was not your fault. Too often survivors are blamed or blame themselves. At our centre we provide a space for survivors to have a voice that is listened to, a voice that matters. Abuse takes away a person’s human rights. Part of healing can be to discover and express thoughts and feelings freely.
Survivors may experience shame that they did not ‘tell’ anyone, even if there was no-one to tell who would have believed them. Many survivors experience devastating hurt, not only by the abuse but by the responses of family or friends. We support survivors to recognise their own courage and the integrity it takes to speak their truth. Coming to terms with the impact of abuse can also mean grieving for what was lost, and at rape crisis we support this as a process of honouring what that abused child went through. Feeling sad and self-compassionate is not self-pitying but instead supports self-care.
Survivors may feel angry or frightened – often triggered for no apparent reason – and this can be confusing and distressing. Gaining understanding of traumatic stress can help to understand such difficulties, including intrusive memories or nightmares; feeling jumpy; and suffering extremes of intensity (such as overwhelming feelings then deep exhaustion). In traumatic stress, the body’s alarm bells are still ringing ‘danger’ even though the abuse may be over. For this reason we support survivors to recognise that they have indeed survived and ask: ‘How did you survive?’ For many, they survived by complying, by hiding, by being silent, by appeasing, by numbing or by avoiding; many of these methods are problematic in later life, nevertheless they meant the child found the resources and resilience to survive.
Finally, underlying all healing is safety. Finding a sense of safety, both in current life and within, can be difficult for many who have never experienced it. We explore what survivors imagine safety to feel like; if anything helps them to feel safe; what that feels like emotionally, mentally, physically; when they first felt safe after the abuse ended; when and how they knew the abuse had ended. All these questions can help to lower the volume on the body’s ‘alarm bells’.
The healing process can be a confusing jumble of the above and more. Healing is a fluid process; having a changing relationship to one’s trauma is a healthy sign of this fluidity. Over time, the life experience of abuse can take on new meanings; new feelings may surface and be released. We cannot erase the abuse but we can work together to lessen its emotional power. Then the survivor can put the abuse in its place - in the past – freeing them to live in their own present.
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For telephone support and to make a referral to Edinburgh Rape Crisis please call Rape Crisis Scotland's National Helpline: 08088 010302 (every day, 6pm-midnight). It is free from landlines and most mobile providers. You can access support via email if that is better for you. Our support email address is: support@ercc.scot.
September is a Month of Action to raise awareness of child sexual abuse.
